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Welcome to my Mind Palace

iwishihadafather:

So I work at a photo lab and an elderly woman came up to pay and after each transaction I have I ask, “can I help you find anything else today?” She responded with, “A million bucks.” The elderly man behind her said, “Ma’am, if you want a million bucks, just look in the mirror.” Her jaw dropped and she was completely smitten.

This man is at least 80 years old and his pussy game is immortal.

mightbeafuckingunicorn:

stillinastorm:

I do not want Looking for Alaska to be a movie. But if it has to be, I think it needs to be rated R so that it can be told truthfully. It’s not a cutesy teen romance and it shouldn’t be treated like one.

It’s not cutesy teen romance and it shouldn’t be trated like one

nyehs:

WHY CANT EVERY CHARGER FOR EVERYTHING THAT EXISTS JUST BE THE SAME SHAPE AND SIZE

Some books are so familiar that reading them is like returning home again.
Louisa May AlcottLittle Women (via priorisincantatem)

(Source: speaklivewrite)

tom-sits-like-a-whore:

tumble-duh:

theludicrousrival:

the-more-u-know:

Parenting, you’re doing it right. 

I can only hope to be this type of parent.

These parents make my heart melt

That last one really got me. That’s such a good idea, and bless his dad for wanting his son to not feel left out. All his friends were probably like “Look at all my candy” and Fletcher was like “LOOK AT ALL MY TOYS HAHA I GOT TOYS”

ninjakato:

ruaniamh:

kaymonstar:

I keep laughing.

HERE COMES THE AIRPLANE

"EAT THE FUCKING BISCUIT MEATBAG!!!"

ninjakato:

ruaniamh:

kaymonstar:

I keep laughing.

HERE COMES THE AIRPLANE

"EAT THE FUCKING BISCUIT MEATBAG!!!"

(Source: quevidamastriste)

green-satan:

this movie was a masterpiece 

(Source: jetpacksunrise)

(Source: humorstop)

Your dick is probably like a tic tac hahahahhahaha
Anonymous

shwagerr:

That’s probably why your moms mouth is so fresh 

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